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ms. oblivion

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[24 Oct 2003|08:10pm]
its this time of year, the only time of year that i miss ohio. there's more texture there in october....the excitement, the childish fun of halloween. the visual of leaves changing their colors in your back, front, and side yard. the smell of hot dogs and sweat, the sound of squeaky instruments, and the thumpy feeling of drums oozing from nearby football fields. lightening bugs and frothy drinks from comfortable love. squirrels, squirrels everywhere! i never see fucking squirrels here, not even road kill.

i want to be neon and glowing. bald and naked for halloween. i want everyone to see me without really seeing me at all. isn't that what i'm all about.
1 whoa|joey, that you?

[30 Sep 2003|05:20pm]
3 whoas|joey, that you?

[26 Sep 2003|03:42am]
my box is 3x my size, maybe 4
how many nights have i sat
with the flashing lights of self mutilation
eyeballing the zest
of something that is not real,
at least not to the realest of people.
the light at the end of the tunnel
is usually the brightest light.
yet i am reaching for the alley.
my hands are filled with buttery kernels
where people eat and escape
with grain filled mouths
that would char my skin.
i am the best.
i am the worst.
i am the best of the worst.
and of course that isn't good enough.
if only i were the rest, the most
of the population.
i could, at the very least,
tolerate.
1 whoa|joey, that you?

[26 Sep 2003|02:56am]
there's alot of shit. alot of it makes sense. most of it doesn't. but isn't that what life is all about. making shit out of nothing? i watched your face when you stole the show, but seriously, it was the same face you were making when you were snoring and farting in your arnold scwharzenegger dream. it's confusing. if i were a psychologist, it would be confusing. duh.
joey, that you?

[24 Sep 2003|02:01am]
i should be jilted. yes, my cheeks are tinged with bubblegummy pinkness, but i would expect the bright redness of my favorite sweater. the burning of my yeast filled crotch. it was.......nice. intriguing. i know if more nights occurred, i would hear the familiar lies, feel the impatience, the misunderstandings. but for now....it's nice. and that's better then what it was before.
1 whoa|joey, that you?

[20 Sep 2003|03:02am]
the peak has come. it's no longer a sadness, but a madness. i don't mean insanity either. i mean pure, legitimate anger. the head of it all has gradually oozed it's way to the surface and i am glowing, ready to be picked and popped and harshly released. you may not know how perfect you are and you may not know how much it effects me. i've shared the facts, but still i lay dormant. dormez vous my fair jacque. with you i am not abstract, yet with you i should be in order to be understood. as much as i love it, it's tiring, as all the most important facts of life are. if only my hole weren't so dry right now. if only i weren't ripe with bacteria from a past that i so much needed, yet can't believe i ever lived. did i say i don't believe in hope. cuz i don't. but it's only because i live off hope, i know deep down inside how pathetic that is. i've lived it. i've learned it, yet i still play the game. i love it. i love it so much, i can't figure out why.
the pump and grind, sadly or not, can take away the pain. for some it's a need, an insecurity. but for me, it just makes me forget what should be forgotten, to remember what is pure. to forget what is not worth remembering. is that insecurity. maybe so...... when will it soften, when will the burn fade away. i've dealt with this before, and he laughed. i deal with it now, and he cries. not because he can't have what the beast wants, but because he feels my pain. which (glorious!) is worse, because fear transforms, dreams of toothy monsters come, and i shun away in fear of laying my dead body on your pink skin.
joey, that you?

[11 Sep 2003|03:27am]
i wish i had more to say. i do.

not that i don't, it's just a matter of having the patience, the mindset, the sobriety (or complete drunkeness), the whatever to keep up with the thoughts that slowly dissipate as they travel toward my fingers.

i can say this. i am a slacker. i do what's needed. maybe a little less. my degree is not in communication, but psychology. i can only appreciate, in love & respect, what is tangible and visually realistic. i'd rather feed donuts to a homeless man then speak pubically to a group. what i am to you is not real. not to you, not to me.
joey, that you?

[17 Aug 2003|11:30pm]
city dreamer. yeah, i met my teacher.

it's hard. it's fucking hard to change.

change.

it's my least favorite hour. should i stay or should i go? no no. no no.
ta-ta.

a kiss is just a kiss, but a kiss is what i miss. mood intervals and the passion of knowing what might happen. my monotonous walls beg me to leave toward other monotonous walls.
3 whoas|joey, that you?

[14 Aug 2003|06:27pm]
goodnight moon
Matt Davis

i just thought you should know a few things
before i take my leave of you all, and it's never easy
to say things that you have to preface, but we all
have to start somewhere, so consider this my chrysalis,
and just hope the change is beautiful:
when we were in the car and the radio sang through dirty sounding
speakers, i didn't want to die, just thought i should come up
with something to say besides "i want to hold your hand" and sometimes
it's very difficult to think up things to say
and when i ran from your locker when we were too young to
run almost (remember those days?) i meant everywhere we were i would
be thinking of you, i just couldn't articulate the possibility
of your cheek against mine ever, and the proximity to realization
was hard to take, i was overwhelmed like when you last turned up in
the living room with her and i took you outside and i apologized for
crying so hard and made feeble attempts through broken vocal chords
to sing you a song of something redemptive for the day, i know i failed
but you could at least hear me now, because i won't be waking for a
while and i needed you to know that the tears and the laughter, despite
what everyone is fond of saying, really didn't add up, and i know
that's wrong, and i just needed you to know that i'm sorry, and hopefully
the next time around won't be so difficult on us all,
i just thought you would like to know
joey, that you?

[11 Aug 2003|01:05pm]

....gone :(

6 whoas|joey, that you?

[05 Aug 2003|03:42am]
there is no hope. no, really. you're happy, even at your saddest moment, and people are complaining about belly aches and alcohol intake. i wish i had the balls. because i'm tired of living like i really give a shit, even if i really do. there's really nothing great enough to make me go wow, and there's nothing shitty enough to make me go pow. i'm just some mediocre pilot gliding through the clouds in hopes to save some imbecile who has a chance. all i am is a face who knows enough to know without really knowing a fucking thing. my next step is to sleep. hopefully someone will punch me hard enough to knock me out, for a long fucking eternal time. RAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKEEEEEEE!
1 whoa|joey, that you?

[27 Jul 2003|06:39pm]


dude.

5 whoas|joey, that you?

[24 Jul 2003|03:55am]
love is.....dancing soberly to the electric prunes, i had to much to dream last night. together.

and alot of other things.
joey, that you?

[23 Jul 2003|03:38am]
i'm scared. i'm scared. i'm scared. i want to ingest. inhale. swallow. forget. there's too much competition in this world. what could i possibly offer that will last a lifetime. why do i care. why do i want the fantasy. the goal of every stupid fucker. if i could forget how to be the average human, maybe i could forget the impossible and simply be. simply be happy. i'm better then this. smarter then this. i need to start thinking, thinking in the present tense, rather then the past.
3 whoas|joey, that you?

[23 Jul 2003|03:29am]
just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's there. positive or negative. what if what you think is better then what you got. just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there. i am a blank canvas that should be full of color. anything could scratch and score at anytime. anything can change the time. anything. anyone. i am no god. i am nothing. like everyone. but nothing can so easily be everything.
joey, that you?

[22 Jul 2003|03:10am]

my house

3 whoas|joey, that you?

[22 Jul 2003|03:08am]
for those you know, nothing is nothing. for those you don't know, nothing is everything.
3 whoas|joey, that you?

[18 Jul 2003|04:06am]
i'm in love. like never before. and i'm afraid.
1 whoa|joey, that you?

[18 Jul 2003|03:09am]
i forgot. words. long hair. penises saying words. making me feel like a piece of chard meat. penises saying words like i am the only piece of flesh that can create mankind. i want to shave my head tomorrow. i want to ignore you. i want to be deaf. i don't want to hear a word of your hurtful words. i want to love the penis.
joey, that you?

[05 Jul 2003|02:53am]
disappointment.
1 whoa|joey, that you?

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